Brad was asleep when I left for work yesterday, but texted me around 11:00, asking me if I had plans for tonight. I wrote back, asking him what was up. His response: "Jenny dumped me." Since I was in the office alone, I gave him a call.
"Are you okay?" I asked when he answered.
"I've been better," he said. "Are you doing anything later?"
"I was going to meet up with Ben for drinks, but it's no big. I can cancel if you want to hang out."
"No, don't cancel."
"Look, I'm either canceling or you're coming out with both of us. Those are your only options. So pick one."
"I'll come out with you guys," he said. "Just don't be all lovey-dovey and making out all night, okay?"
I assured him that Ben and I wouldn't be dry humping on the table in front of him, and then sent Ben an IM explaining the situation. He was fine with it, of course, and we made plans to meet at the bar at 8:00. I'd told Brad 7:00 so I could get the scoop before Ben showed up.
When I arrived, Brad was halfway through his second beer (he'd showed up an hour earlier than we'd agreed upon) and told me the story. It was hardly a shock – she'd given him the whole "I need time" thing, which is kind of the dating equivalent of a marriage separation. And after she did her thinking, she realized that she's ready to settle down and get married and have kids, and she can't see doing that with someone as "emotionally deficient" as Brad.
"She actually said 'emotionally deficient'?" I asked. He nodded. "Ouch." He nodded again.
I brought up the whole therapy thing again, and Brad put his hand up to silence me.
"Look," he began. "I know I have some things to work on and figure out. I plan on doing that, but I don't know yet what the best way for me is going to be. It might be therapy, it might be meditation, it might be a self-help book, and it might be sitting in the desert with some peyote. Just let me figure it out."
"Don't sit in the desert with peyote," I said.
"I hate the heat, and I wouldn't even know how to get peyote," he said. "So don't worry."
Well, it was a start. He was at least considering therapy. I was feeling good about Brad's future happiness until Ben arrived. He immediately started dispensing the worst guy advice EVER – telling Brad to hook up with someone else as soon as possible, burn all of the stuff he has that reminds him of Jenny, and celebrate his newfound freedom with copious amounts of partying. Even worse, Brad started getting into it, checking out girls in the bar and talking about strip clubs. When Brad got up to go to the bathroom, I confronted Ben.
"Really, bro?" I asked.
"What?"
"What is wrong with you? You are giving Brad the dumbest advice ever."
"It's making him feel better than whatever you were telling him before I got here."
"Is that how you would deal with us breaking up?"
"K., this isn't about us. It's about Brad."
Brad came back so we had to end our argument. Over the next hour, Ben and I played point-counterpoint, with me offering an emotionally healthy breakup tip for every dumb frat boy nugget of wisdom that Ben dispensed. Brad seemed to get more and more amused the more impassioned our cases became.
"You guys are hilarious," Brad said with a smile. "Thank you for unintentionally cheering me up. I'm gonna head out, though. I'm drunk and exhausted."
"Want me to come home with you?" I asked.
"Nah, I'm just going to crash. Plus, you two obviously have more arguing to do." He laughed mischievously and headed out.
"Jerk," I said, punching Ben on the arm.
"Whatever. You're a jerk."
"We're both jerks. How's that?"
"Compromise!" he said with a smile. "I like it. Can we go home and make up now?"
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