When Ben performed at Mitchell's variety show for the first time last month, he tried out jokes on me, asked me for input, and generally made me a part of the process. Of course I loved it – it made me feel like we were really a team, and that he really values my opinion.
This time around? Not so much. I chalked it up to him being more confident in his abilities. Like the first one was just a trial run, but this one was the Real Deal, and he was ready to take it on. I thought, "Good for him."
Well, his set last night was a serious departure from the first. Whereas last month he was basically his funny, self-deprecating self, this time he played a character – a cocky, crude, womanizing frat boy kind of character. And while I didn't love it, I was fine with it. Until…
He had just gotten done telling a (fictional) story about getting a lap dance at a strip club, and then he went into this bit:
"So, my girlfriend and I are having sex the other night – what, you didn't think I had a girlfriend? [audience laughter] – and she starts talking dirty. And when I say dirty, I mean filthy…"
My jaw dropped. He wouldn't, I thought. Surely he's going to follow that up with a completely made up story that has nothing to do with me.
Only he didn't. He pretty much told the story of my lame attempt at dirty-talking verbatim. And I pretty much wanted to kill him. Twice. Just to make sure he was extra-dead the second time.
Ursula was sitting across from me and laughing as Ben relayed every single detail of that night. At one point, she looked over and saw my face, and her eyes widened. She leaned in.
"He didn't," she said, a worried look on her face. "Did he?"
"Yup."
"And he didn't tell you beforehand?"
"Nope."
"Oh sweetie. He's an idiot!"
"Yes he is."
After his set, Ben came over to the table and sat down next to me. Ursula gave him that look that parents give you when they're very disappointed in you. I ignored him, and fumed, cursing him in my head, while I watched the rest of the show.
After the last act – a hula hoping burlesque dancer – Mitchell invited us out for drinks.
"I really need to go home and pack for Puerto Rico," I said. "But thanks for the invite."
"Want company?" Ben asked.
"Nope. I'll see you at the airport."
"How about I come over in the morning and we can go to the airport together?" he asked, a worried look on his face.
"Fine." I hugged Ursula and Mitchell goodbye, and ignored Ben. It's not that I was trying to be passive-aggressive – I was just so over-the-top pissed that I needed to cool off before having any sort of discussion with him about it. I think he sensed that, too, because he didn't push it. He did text later to see if I wanted to talk, and I told him we'd do it tomorrow. He wrote back saying he loved me. I didn't respond. Okay, that may have been a little passive-aggressive, but he deserved it.
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