"NO. WAY," said Ursula. Ben and I had gone over to her and Mitchell's place for brunch, and I had just finished telling the story of our night with Shane and Naomi.
"That's ballsy," Mitchell said. "To just come out and ask like that. Or start to ask, I guess."
"Well, we've discussed this," Ben explained. "And we think that because they didn't know if we were swingers, they couldn't just make a move. That could've really gone bad if we weren't into it, you know?"
Ben's "we've discussed this" was an understatement, to say the least. We've discussed nothing BUT Shane and Naomi since we left their place on Friday: whether we think they're both equally into it or whether it's a case of one partner just trying to please the other, how something like that even comes up in a relationship, where they usually meet people to swing with and finally, whether the fact that we are SO COMPLETELY OBSESSED with discussing this means that we're giant, stuffy prudes.
"We had a threesome once," Ursula said casually, causing both Ben's and my eyes to nearly fall out of our heads.
"TRIED to have a threesome," Mitchell said, correcting her.
"Yeah, it was kind of a disaster," Ursula said. "She picked us up in a bar, and neither one of us really wanted to do it, but neither one of us wanted to admit it first and have the other one think we were a prude, so we went along with it. It was pretty mortifying."
"But you write erotic fiction for a living," I said. "I would think you'd be all into stuff like that."
"Nah," she said. "I just have a very vivid imagination."
"She sure loves anal, though," Mitchell said with a smirk.
"Shut up, Mitchell!" she said. "And besides, I only tolerate it."
Ben and I completely lost it, and our laughter was contagious. Soon we were all cracking up. I don't know why I ever thought we needed a new couple to hang out with. I adore Mitchell and Ursula. They can be our couple forever and ever.
"Can I write a short story about this?" Ursula asked. "Only in my version, everyone's obviously going to have sex."
"Obviously," Ben said with a laugh. "I don't care, as long as you change our names. K.?"
"Me either," I said. "It will be fun to read about what we missed out on."
"I knew you wanted to have sex with Shane," Ben teased.
"He's pretty hot," I said, taking the bait.
"Is he?" Ursula asked, grabbing a notebook and pen. "What does he look like?"
"Well, he's hot if you're into that whole golden Adonis thing," I said.
"Whatever," Ben said. "He has a weird bump on his nose."
"Noses with character are sexy," Ursula said. "I'm really into noses. What else, K?"
"He's got major abs," I said, giggling to myself as Ben got noticeably more uncomfortable. "Not like, The Situation's abs, but you can tell he works out a lot. And he has one of those small, tight butts that you just want to grab onto. You know what I mean?"
Mitchell started cracking up, and kept looking over at Ben to see his reaction.
"Your ears are turning red, man," Mitchell said, burying his face in his hands and laughing.
Ben took a deep breath.
"So let me tell you about Naomi's boobs," Ben interrupted. "Which are so perfectly round, I suspected they were fake at first..."
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Bedroom BlogK. is Cosmo's fictional blogger, a twenty-something chick who works in television. Here K. dishes about her sexy (and sometimes dramatic) dating adventures.
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