Hello from Puerto Rico!
Ben's out picking up food for breakfast. We're staying at a little guest house on the island of Vieques, and we have full use of a kitchen, so we thought it would be fun to take advantage of it for a meal or two. We are having THE best time, and I'll give you the full recap when I get back, but I want to recap the fallout from Ben's standup act first. So without further ado…
Ben arrived at my place a little before 9:00 AM on Saturday, suitcase in hand, and a sheepish expression on his face. I was still furious, and immediately went off.
"How could you think that would be okay?" I demanded. "You got up there and talked about something private and intimate that happened between us in front of a room full of strangers!"
"I know," he said, looking down. "It was stupid."
"What were you thinking?"
He shrugged. "That you'd hear me tell it and think it was funny?"
I rolled my eyes and shook my head simultaneously.
"You know what the worst part of all of this is?" I continued. "If you had ASKED me if it was okay, and TOLD me what you wanted to say, I PROBABLY would have given you my blessing. But to just BLINDSIDE me like that? SO not cool."
"I know," he said. "Believe me, I know. And I'm really, really sorry. And I will never talk about us on stage again."
"Did you hear me? You CAN talk about us. Just let me KNOW first."
"Okay."
We sat in silence for a moment, not looking at each other.
"K.?"
"Yeah?"
"Did you think it was funny?"
"Are you seriously asking me that?"
"Not entirely seriously. I mean, I would like to know if as an objective viewer, you would have found it funny. But also, I'm just trying to lighten the mood."
"I'm not giving you an answer. Even if I thought it was funny, I will absolutely never admit it."
"Are you still coming to Puerto Rico with me?" he asked, though his half-smile told me he already knew my answer.
"Yes, jerk, I'm still going to Puerto Rico with you. But you better be nice to me. Extra nice. So nice it hurts."
Ben took me in his arms. "I will feed you grapes on the veranda. And give you daily back massages. And many orgasms, after which I will expect nothing in return."
"Not a bad start," I said, finally smiling in spite of myself.
"I will take you out to the finest of Puerto Rican restaurants. And take you dancing. And buy you flowers from every street vendor."
"Keep going…"
"And never, ever discuss our personal life on stage without running it by you first. Am I forgiven?"
"Yes, you're forgiven. You're lucky you're so adorable."
"No, I'm lucky to have such an amazing, beautiful, forgiving girlfriend who is still able to love me unconditionally, even when I screw up."
"I agree. You are very lucky to have me."
Ben laughed, hoisted me up, and carried me into the bedroom, caveman-style, where he followed through on his orgasm promise. Not a bad way to calm the nerves before a flight.
Gotta go -- Ben's here with the food. Full recap when we get back!
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